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Put The Remote Down

So this morning I had a typical anxiety attack.  It went like this: Everything is fine. WHAM! My skin is crawling, I can't breath and I need to run away. How did I respond?  I have learned through the decades the first thing I need to do is his pause.  No matter what I am doing I hit the pause button and stop.   Take a deep breath.  And then the self-talk starts. Ok.  I know what's happening.  It will be ok.   Say a quick prayer for my mind to clear so I can think. Sit down and journal.  Brain dump would be more accurate.  I write every single thing I remember thinking prior to the episode.  Everything.  Sometimes it will look like this: My mind is racing.  It won't stop.  I keep thinking about everything.  This morning I am overwhelmed by a sense of nothing is quite right.  Everything is off just a little.  The cabinet door is askew.  The windows are open but I see the cobweb undern...
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A Spoonful of Sugar

We aren't supposed to make the Word palatable.  We are to develop a taste for it.  It's a two-edged sword, not a butter knife. When faced with something that is contradictory to our desires, wishes, likes, thoughts...do we just ignore the Word?  Do we dismiss it? That then begs the question...are we Christ followers or are we asking Jesus to follow us and pat us on the back to make us feel better?
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Noticing

I was texting with a friend today.  We were discussing how we wish we didn't need time to recharge.   That we could be adventurous or at least full of energy EVERY day.   Then it hit me.   God knows us.  He provided a day of rest.  We need to embrace that.  Maybe that means redoing and rethinking our activity on that day?   Maybe it means we need to embrace rest. I know for me it's not restful to keep up with other people.   Mostly because, for me at least, when I read about others, I automatically compare where I am right now to where they are in a post, a conversation, a passing moment, or something that may not even be true.  Constantly measuring myself and comparing. That my friends...is death. I'm learning that in my "quest" to better myself...or become more spiritual...or manage my time better...or fill in the blank...the problem is that I'm focusing on ME. I need to die to self in order to fully live. To fully see ...
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Too Much Input

Some days my brain wants to explode.  Not just my brain but my emotions, too. Every so often I have to just get a pen and notebook and do a brain dump.  Just write anything and everything down that crosses my mind.  It helps me to be able to organize my thoughts and very often helps me to see underlying issues and problems.   Last night was a brain dump night.  What I discovered is not profound, but it speaks truth into where I am right now.  My discovery? I have too many voices speaking into my life right now. Social media, books, opinions of others, my own ridiculous weird ideas, my incessant search for more information on any particular subject, podcasts, the flipping Enneagram, and the list goes on and on and on. Did you sense my irritation? The problem with all of these things speaking into my life is that it becomes harder and harder to hear the Holy Spirit.  As a result, I get anxious, feel out of balance, and lost.   My usual tra...
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4 Inch Wire and a $5.00 Gift Certificate

So my "dinner alone" never panned...mostly because my husband's plans changed and he wanted to go out to dinner.  So, duh. The whole evening started out odd.  Not bad...but odd.  A few library stragglers for a book sale we were having dragging their flipping feet.  Not flipper feet...but their stupid feet.  (Just to clarify.  I haven't seen anyone with flippers in the library...yet.) Anyway, I drive home uneventfully but with a very full bladder-because, well, four teas.  Hubs meets me outside and I ask if our son is coming and he said yup so I said, gotta "go" really quick.  I ran to the door and literally ran into my son. I tell Son that I have to "go" and he responds by saying, "Oh, good! I can finish my game really quick!"  Hello? We are LEAVING...in like seconds because  I am the master pee-er.  30 seconds.  Boom.   But weirdly, he WAS ready when we left like 36 seconds later. That should have been a GIANT clue...
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And So It Begins....

Hi.  I'm me. I've been married for almost 30 years, we have 4 kids, 1 grandbaby, 3 granddogs, and a LOT of grand cats.  My hubs is a pastor, that means I'm a pastor's wife. Being a 40+ mom(alright, almost 50, I'm good with that)  and wife is HARD.  No one told me it would be this hard. I mean it.  Seriously.!Suddenly I am thrust into this world of a nearly empty nest...(a live at home college student) and life is weird and different.  My husband and I sit in silence, I have time to do whatever I want and I am completely LOST. There isn't really anyone to fix supper for or plan meals for anymore as my husband is on a special diet and does "his own thing."  I can do laundry once a week now. Really,  it's true.  If I vacuum the carpet the patterns stay for a whole day now.  I don't help with homework anymore.  Hell*, I don't even grocery shop that often any more as my husband always stops on his way back from work. (Special diet...re...
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