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Put The Remote Down

So this morning I had a typical anxiety attack.  It went like this:

Everything is fine.
WHAM!
My skin is crawling, I can't breath and I need to run away.

How did I respond?  I have learned through the decades the first thing I need to do is his pause.  No matter what I am doing I hit the pause button and stop.   Take a deep breath.  And then the self-talk starts.

Ok.  I know what's happening.  It will be ok.  

Say a quick prayer for my mind to clear so I can think.

Sit down and journal.  Brain dump would be more accurate.  I write every single thing I remember thinking prior to the episode.  Everything.  Sometimes it will look like this:

My mind is racing.  It won't stop.  I keep thinking about everything.  This morning I am overwhelmed by a sense of nothing is quite right.  Everything is off just a little.  The cabinet door is askew.  The windows are open but I see the cobweb underneath the curtain. There's too much stuff on my walls.  Why can't I find a good system for organizing the medicine cabinet.  I need to go to the dentist.   Why can't I keep up on the laundry.  Why do I keep doing the same sin over and over?  Why can't I just get my crap together?

There is usually more but that's the general idea.   Usually, but not always, by the time I am done writing I am just about through the physical symptoms.  Now I just need to order my mind.  I've found that by doing a brain dump I can often see a theme in what's going on.   For instance, in the above, I would logically conclude that I am feeling overwhelmed by things and feeling crowded by my physical space.  Which means that emotionally I am probably needed to step back and reset my self.  (Another post.)   With the dump I then form a list.  I know that I cannot do it all at once.  But if I make a list of things that I can correct, that I am in control of, I can be proactive.  Then, the things I am not in control of (and control is all relative because as a Jesus follower, I want God in control of my life, I stop and write out a prayer in my journal.  I let it go.


Anxiety is rough.  I am on medication but more importantly, I have learned coping skills that work for me.   I know my energy, chaos, and space limits.  BUT I am also learning to take risks.  

Life is beautiful.  It's a gift.  It should be lived fully.

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